When The Lights Go Out
by Dark Wings Of Imagination
Summary: Emma Swan and Regina Mills. Two women haunted by their pasts that find in each other the most unlikely source of comfort. Rated 'M' for graphical rape, suicidal thoughts, violence and language.
1. The Night All Angels Cry

**Hey there! I'm back.**

**So, this is my new SQ fiction. It was inspired - and in a few moments based on, too - by two songs: "Boy and The Ghost" by Tarja Turunen and "Twin Flames" by Epica. It's placed somewhere after 'Queen Of Hearts' (Season 2, Episode 9), although there's no Neal nor Cora and Hook getting to Storybrooke. But the first 4 chapters though are a background of Emma and Regina's life before Storybrooke.**

**It'll be something like maybe 5-6 chapters, not sure yet.**

**I really hope you guys like it!**

* * *

**When The Lights Go Out**

Author: Dark Wings Of Imagination

Beta: Ryl

Genre: Drama/Romance

Rating: M

Summary: Emma Swan and Regina Mills. Two women haunted by their pasts that find in each other the most unlikely source of comfort. Rated 'M' for graphical rape, suicidal thoughts, violence and language.

**Chapter 1 – The Night All Angels Cry**

The screams echoed through the house causing the girl to jolt awake from her sleep, as the sounds became louder, she ran to the bedroom's wardrobe and hid inside. She had never feared darkness, for it was her only refuge when she needed to run from her abusive 'Mom' or 'Dad'.

Emma Swan was fourteen years old, but had more life experience than many adults do. In her short life the little blonde girl was tossed away, from foster home to foster home. Unfortunately she never seemed to be lucky enough to end up in a good foster home, the ones where she had lived previously either had too many kids - and because of that she almost starved to death - or the foster parents were extremely abusive, just like the one she happened to be in.

For years she had hoped someone would come and save her from whatever hellish 'home' she was in – and dare she even hope that maybe the people to come and rescue her would be her real parents. They would tell her they were sorry and that they had never meant to abandon her, it was just that at the time she was born they couldn't keep her but now they could, and they would all live happily ever after. She just wanted someone to rescue her from the nightmare that her life was, but no one ever came, and after some time she just stopped believing they ever would.

As she sat inside the wardrobe she could hear the heavy footsteps of the father getting closer and closer to the bedroom. Her heartbeat rapidly increased, her palms began sweating and her insides began to tremble.

The tall man flung the door open; anyone within a mile radius could smell the strong scent of cheap whiskey and vodka. The alcohol in his system made it harder to walk straight, causing him to trip over his own feet a few times. Unlike his limbs, his vision worked perfectly and once he searched the room and didn't find the small blonde right away he went mad.

"Where are you?" he yelled and waited for an answer. When none came he asked it again, getting angrier by the second. Once more no sound could be heard other than his own heavy breathing and footsteps.

"Where the fuck are you?" he kept asking, as he moved around the bedroom.

'_Please, don't let him find me. Please don't'_ Emma repeated it over and over like a mantra in her mind as she heard his unsure movements get closer and louder as he approached the wardrobe door. For a moment there was silence and she dared to think he had given up and went away, but he didn't... He never did, and before she could react the door was yanked open and she was pulled out of there.

"So you thought you could hide from me, your little whore?" he said as she threw her against the nearest wall, causing her to hit her head and fall down to the floor.

He bent down and grabbed a fistful of blonde hair as he pulled her up and threw her onto the bed.

"You thought I would go to sleep tonight without having a little taste of you?" his slurred words echoed through the bedroom as he clumsily began running his hands over her small body.

"No. Please, not tonight!" Emma begged as his hands stopped right between her legs, forcing them open.

She continued to cry and begged him not to continue as he slowly undressed her - first her panties and then her night gown.

Her cries were both driving him mad with sickening desire for her and irritating him to no end.

Without warning she felt a strong fist connect with her white porcelain skin, and there was no way of quieting the yell of pain which left her mouth.

"Shut up!" He yelled at her delivering one more painful punch at her face. This time she did her best not to scream.

As she finally quieted down, he unzipped his pants and threw his boxers away; climbing on top of her he forcefully kissed her as one hand moved to one of her breasts and the other grabbed at her hair, pulling it so hard she was sure it was being yanked from her scalp.

She could feel his hands everywhere on her body, the tip of his hardened member every now and then making contact with her center, the feeling made her nauseous. She just wished she could disappear before it got worse.

The more displeased she looked, the more turned on he got and when he finally got tired of his foreplay, he spread her legs impossibly wider and with one single painful move he penetrated her, making her scream in agony - thought if anyone asked him he would say it was a yell of pleasure.

"I know you want this! I know you spent the entire day waiting for me to get home to fuck you, to make you cum so hard you'd think you're high."

His words made Emma even more nauseous and her want to vomit just kept growing. As she felt bile raising her throat for millionth time that night she pushed it down, for she knew it would be even worse if she happened to puke on him.

For someone who was drunk his movements were quite steady and the painful expression on the small blonde's face just made him ride her with more conviction, transforming his fast short moves into long and more aching ones.

After what seemed like forever he finally reached his climax and came while still inside the girl. Once he was finished with her he clambered off the bed, grabbed his clothes, and left as if nothing had happened.

Emma lay still on the bed, she couldn't bear to move as the pain between her legs was excruciating. Her head was throbbing and the nausea still hadn't gone away, if anything, the desire to vomit was growing. She felt as if she had gone to hell and back – and in all honesty, she had. The tears were making their way down her face and dripping onto the bed. She didn't know how much of this she could take.

As another wave of nausea hit her she managed to turn on her side to at least not vomit on the bed. Her vision began blurring, and as the nausea began decreasing, her throbbing head only worsened as well as the aching between her legs. Her body was in so much pain she thought she'd die – and maybe, she thought, it would have been better if she had.

The torturous increasing pain eventually led her to unconsciousness, and it was the only reason the girl managed to get some sleep that night.


	2. A Hell You Can't Undo

**Hey there,**

**I'm sorry it took me so long, but y'know, life's a bitch! Anyway, I want to thank all of you who read, put it under alerts and reviewed this story, so far. Thanks, really. I have to be honest now and say that the next chapter won't be here soon, because school has been driving me CRAZY, and I have tons of final exams to do, so I'll leave you guys with this, but I promise to be back ASAP!**

**XXXX...**

**Dark Wings...**

* * *

**Chapter 2 – A Hell You Can't Undo**

In another time and realm a frightened girl laid on her bed trying to muffle her sobs, even though she knew it was to no avail and she was sure her mother could hear her crying.

Regina Mills was a fifteen year old girl whom wished for nothing more than to be able to please her mother and be able to gain the slightest of affection and love from the older woman, but the poor girl just couldn't get it right – at least not in her mother's vision.

All of her young years were spent giving all of her attention to her parents. With her father she didn't have anything to complain about – at least not on the love subject, that is. Henry Mills tried his very best to show his daughter that she was loved and if he had to be honest he tried to love his little girl enough so it could apply for his wife as well.

Cora Mills was a whole other type of parent, let's say. She had always expected and demanded her daughter to be the best in everything she did, and if the girl didn't reach her mother's expectations, well, things sure weren't pretty around the Mills household.

Henry did his best to try and protect his child – for you see, he may not have been the best father, he came to that conclusion later in his life, but he sure did love his daughter and wished to keep her away from any harm – sadly, he just could not seem to talk his wife out of her abusive ways. He did try, for many years, though. Their arguments about it only seemed to have worse consequences upon Regina, and so one day he just gave up. After that, on the days that mother and daughter would have lessons together he would leave the house in the morning just before they could begin and would only return late at night when he was sure they were finished. What he didn't know that was by doing so he made his little girl think he lost his faith on her and even worse, it made her lose her faith on him.

When Cora and Henry married he was the heir of the Nightshade Kingdom's throne, unfortunately after many wars were fought and mass bloodshed, the kingdom was extinct. The fall of said kingdom hit the couple hard but Cora was by far the most affected by it. Since, she decided, she could no longer be a queen anymore she expected her only daughter to be one. The greatest one. Therefore she named the girl Regina - 'for one day she'll be a Queen', those were her exact words once the child was born.

Regina's entire childhood consisted of lessons after lessons on how to be a perfect lady and as she got older the lessons only princesses got were incorporated into hers. What her mother didn't understand, though, was that the little brunette never wanted to be a princess, let alone a queen.

She tried to explaining it to Cora but the only thing the woman did was let out a single grunt and went back to her reading, she tried again to gain her mother's attention and on her third attempt it worked, only it would have been better if it didn't.

Once the witch heard what her daughter had to say, anger consumed all of her. After all she had done how could that girl say she didn't want to be any of what she was offering? Immediately her hand turned into the air and before Regina could have prepared herself she felt her back rage as if it was on fire.

"Mother, please, stop. It hurts", the girl cried to the woman who did nothing but continue to torture her own daughter.

"After all I've done for you, how _dare_ you say to me you don't _want_ to be a queen? Let me tell you something, for as long as you live here you'll do as I tell you to and I don't want to hear the slightest objection from you!"

Regina's face contorted in pain as the burning feeling increased and her mother continued talking.

"You have to understand, my dear, that I only want the best for you. You know you don't want to live like this forever. You deserve much more than this simple life. You were born to be a queen; didn't you know you can't play against fate? I know sometimes I can be quite strict to you, but believe me, one day, when you're sitting on your throne you'll think back your past and you'll thank me for doing what was needed for you to have everything you shall ever need."

At that, Cora finally stopped her magic and Regina gasped for air as she fell to her knees.

"Now, go. Tomorrow your lessons begin earlier than usual, you'll need to rest."

The older woman simply dismissed her as if nothing had happened and went back to her previous activity. The brunette did as she was told and made her way back to her chambers, albeit with great difficulty.

As she lay down, her mother's words echoed in her mind. She still couldn't understand how someone who claimed to only have her best interests at heart could be able of causing, inflicting, that much pain.

She wished she could just disappear, run to the farthest place she could and never go back again and maybe then she would be free to be whoever she desired. Anything to keep her mother from making her into a carbon copy of herself.

Or perhaps, she considered a moment after - knowing her wish was unlikely to come to ever be true - she could use an easier way out. A way that would surely free her of the agonies and pains of life.

Death.

The word rang out in her mind for many minutes, it even drove her to look for anything sharp enough to cut through her skin and into her veins, but before she could allow herself to dwell on that thought any longer, she came back to her senses and willed the dark thoughts from her head. Though, it stayed as a distance echo.

Still not sure about what to do about her miserable life – with some fragments of her deadly wonders still present - and haunted by the night's events, Regina eventually fell into a restless sleep filled with only her worst nightmares.


	3. The Sky Is Bleeding

**Hey guys...**

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated, is just the last few weeks I was doing my school's final exams (don't even say anything, my school doesn't move around like others...) and so I had not been able to write, but here it is. I don't know how long it will take for next chapter, although since I'm on vacations don't think it will take as long as this.**

**Also, thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, followed and add to favorites. It really means a lot.**

**Un-beta, so all mistakes are mine.**

**Xxxxx...**

**Dark Wings...**

* * *

**Chapter 3 – The Sky Is Bleeding**

"_If only I had been more careful" _was the only thing in her mind right before reaching for the sharp object.

The small rectangular blade cut through white pale skin easily, ruining a once soft and pure piece of epithelium. As the blood began slowly make its appearance upon the injured wrist the blade was finally put aside and the previously silent bathroom was filled with the sounds of the blonde girl's cries.

The young girl felt completely lost. She did not know where to go or what to do. Her life was a mess and there was nothing she could think of to make it better, make it right. Of course she knew she wouldn't find the answers she wanted within the blade, but it was helpful – in its own twisted kind of way.

She knew it wouldn't heal the pain and it would only injure her and scar her for life, but she also knew this was the punishment she deserved for not being able to take care of her child. Her little baby boy she'd never get to meet because of one small careless moment of joy.

-XXX-

_Once she was finally home Emma ran to her room and locked the door behind her. Sitting on the bed she took the folders of her purse and stared at them. She just couldn't believe that those ultrasound pictures were from her baby. A little but healthy five months male fetus. _

"_Daniel", Emma breathed the name as it set on her mind and it was it. Daniel Swan would be his name._

_She still remembered how shocked and scared she had been when she found out she was pregnant. And she had all the reasons for such, after all she was a fourteen year old with no job, no degree and an orphan whom got pregnant after being raped by her current foster father._

_It took her a good month and a half to find a job that would pay her a decent salary, it wouldn't cover the whole pre-natal treatments but if she saved a part of it she could at least pay for a ultrasound in the future, and the rest of it she would use buy the essentials for a baby._

_As scared and afraid she was, she still promised herself she would do her best to take care of her baby. He may have not been conceived in a time or way she would have wanted to but she wouldn't put him under the risk of going through the same hell she went all those years._

_Still trapped in that excuse of a home was not what she had been planning for her nor for her baby, but she had to, at least just until she could find another roof to put above their heads. Meanwhile she had to do her best to try to hide her pregnancy and job from her foster parents._

_And for as far as she had gone it had worked up pretty well, actually, but life – call it fate, destiny, universe or whatever you want to – had never really been on Emma's side, and on that day in which she went home internally celebrating the fact it was everything okay with her little guy, the young girl had been proven how hard on her the world intended to be._

_While still sitting on the bed, solely focused on the ultra-sonograms' photos, she forgot all about the rest of the world, and when she realized she shouldn't be so careless it was already too late and her once locked door had already been forced open and 'Daddy Dearest' had already made his way inside._

"_Why the fuck didn't you answer me when I called you?" _

_He yelled at her, his face near enough she could smell the heavy scent of alcohol in his breath._

"_I'm sorry, I didn't hear you"_

_The girl answered looking him in the eyes, in the vain attempt to not let him see the images on the bed. _

"_What is this? Don't you tell me you're pregnant, you little whore." _

_His words were slurred but as angry as he had ever sounded._

"_Who have you been fucking, huh? Tell me!"_

_He had moved closer and was only a few inches far from her, the fire in his eyes scared the poor girl, whom answered crying "No one but you has ever touched me! This baby is yours!"_

"_Liar"_

_It was the only thing said before a fist came in contact with her face. Within seconds she could feel the stinging pain on her cheek but she tried to ignore it as she made an attempt at running. If anything it only infuriated him more and pulling her by the hair he threw her against the nearest wall. As she collided with the solid surface she could feel the blood behind her head and it took all of her strength to not fall into unconsciousness._

"_Now tell me who the fuck is this kid's father?"_

"_I already said it is you" Emma managed to let out._

"_You're sticking with this lie? Oh, well, I don't want another bastard living under the same roof I do"_

_Once he finished speaking it didn't take more than three seconds for Emma to feel his feet kicking her in the abdomen. She begged him to stop, but it was no use, he continued kicking her and when she was almost passing out from the pain he grabbed her by her arms and threw her on the bed. The action was enough to have her trying to fight him back._

"_No, please, no"_

_She begged as she tried to free herself from his vicious grip, but it didn't work._

"_Shut up"_

_He yelled at her as he climbed on top of her. Ripping of her dress and panties and taking of his own pieces of clothing, he entered her without previous announcement. _

_The last thing Emma saw before blacking out was his face as he continually raped her. _

…

_When she eventually woke up many hours later that same day she couldn't even move. Her entire body was beaten and bruised. But not only that, she felt different, as if something had been taken away from her and it was then she realized she had lost her baby, her Daniel._

_As it downed on her, tears began to make her way down her face and letting them take over her, eventually she fell asleep._

_-_XXX-

Once she was able to chase the memories of the day she lost her son away, her wrist had already stopped bleeding and all that was left of the pain she inflicted upon herself was a small tingling on her skin. Feeling even guiltier than before remembering the horrible happening, she reached for the blade one more time that night.

As she forced the blade deeper in her skin she was well aware of what could happen if she got it inside her skin enough to hit a vein, but if she were to be honest at the moment she didn't care and if anything she felt more than ready to welcome Death.

_**Four years later**_

The eighteen year old blonde girl sat alone inside her cell trying to process the news she had just gotten. She couldn't be pregnant. She couldn't take care of a child four years prior, let alone nurturing a child while in jail. She just couldn't.

"_I should have died that night years ago. That way I wouldn't be in the trouble I'm right now", _it was the only thing in Emma's mind as it downed on her the magnitude of her situation.

"_Or maybe I should have known better when that son of a bitch appeared in my life. Damn you Neal! You and my stupid heart. I should have never let you near me. NEVER" _as the raven haired man crossed her mind she couldn't control the rage inside her.

She couldn't believe in how blinded and stupid she had been. He was a thief, for fuck's sake! Thieves never stayed in one place for too long and neither got attached to some seven-to-eight-teen year old they had just met. The worst of all though, was she knew such thing – she was a thief herself, not with as much experience as him for sure, but still one none the less - but decided to ignore it and allow herself to trust in her heart for once and believe he would actually change his life around for her. Well, the only thing she could tell was thing didn't actually go her way, for sure.

As she tried to set her mind straight and think about what she would do she couldn't help the flow of memories that overcame her of the same kind of situation she had been four years prior. As she unwillingly remembered everything she went through she promised that whatever her decision would be – even though she knew she was not capable of raising the child – the little one would have not have the same destination their brother did.

And so it took abortion out of her possibilities - she would never take this road, it didn't matter how much it would affect her life she would never willingly kill a child of hers.

Which only let her with one option left: Giving up her baby for adoption.

Just the thought about the possibility of her unborn child having the same kind of fate she did, though, was downright scary, but she knew she could not keep this baby. What kind of life would she be able to give this child, if at the moment she didn't even had the slightest idea of where she would go once she got out of jail? She didn't have a clue of what she would do to keep herself alive. To feed and take care of a child was out of the question.

"_Maybe, adoption is not such a bad idea after all." _the thought crossed her mind as she slowly began settling on her decision, "_I mean, I can make sure that he or she goes to a good home, right? Yeah. That's it"_

…

The pregnancy went on normally. No complications on her or the baby. And if Emma had to be honest with herself she would have to admit that it didn't feel that bad carrying that baby – putting aside the sickness and sore back and feet, of course.

In all truth there were times when the blonde would catch herself dreaming about a life with her unborn child. A good life. A new life. More often than not she would find her thoughts drifting off to dreamland and she allowed a few minutes of bliss, and as she closed her eyes she pictured everything so perfectly she was sure she could almost touch.

A small town away from all the problems in the big cities where she could easily find a part time job – waitress, bartender, cleaning or would she even dare Sheriff, any of those jobs would probably not pay much but it would be something, better than stealing, that's for sure – rent a little house with a yard so the kid could play on the grass and have a swing set on a tree. A peaceful place where she could begin again and offer some kind of future to her baby.

It was only a silly dream, it's what she kept telling herself in order to try not thinking about it anymore, because as surreal as it sounded it was so inviting that was able of making her think about trying to achieve such goal, but she didn't want to try. She didn't want to have more disappointments and heartache than what she already had.

And so for as much as it hurt her, months later when she finally gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, she turned down the offer of the doctor for her to hold him – for she knew if she ever allowed herself such action she would not be able to let him go - and gave him up.

"_It is what is best for him"_

She told herself the same sentence over and over every day of her life, knowing it was indeed the best decision for her son, but not exactly sure it was the best for her.


End file.
